Music, books, and personal thoughts on life

Archive for June, 2013

Symphonic/Gothic Metal Bands

This is a followup from the last post.  I completely forgot to post videos of the named bands.


Keep Calm and Listen to Symphonic Metal

I really love symphonic/gothic metal right now!  I stopped listening to it a few years ago due to some personal issues.  I have finally been able to start listening to it again over the past year.  It feels great to listen to it again and feel the raw emotions!  (I just woke up so I might start to repeat myself. :D) 

In 2006, while I was going through my divorce, I started to get sick of the pop/rock music I had listened to for years.  I was tired of being happy and acting like everything was fine.  It was a bit of a challenge for me to move back home with my parents and having my mom tell me how I should raise Bailey.  Anyway, so one day I started listening to Evanescence for the hell of it.  I was hooked after the first few songs and so forth.  I met other Ev fans and one of them introduced me to symphonic metal.  I had already listened to Within Temptation and loved their sound.  She sent me YouTube links to Epica and After Forever….turned me into a fan.  Flash forward to 2012, I picked back up listening to symphonic metal.  One of the first bands I listened to was Delain.  Oh my gosh, I was in love!  Their lyrics and music just captivated me.  I dove into their music and have spent my time dissecting it.  I am someone who loves to evaluate layers of music in songs.  I then started to listen to Within Temptation again and discovered other bands.  Nightwish, Leaves’ Eyes, Amberian Dawn, Lunatica, and Fairyland, Nemesea, Dead By April, Amaranthe and April Divine are to name a few.
I’m not a big fan of the ‘death grunts’ so I stay away from some of the bands that use it. 

The Nightwish sound I like is from the Anette time frame.  Her voice just brought them to a different level in vocal style.  Tarja is very good, but sometimes her voice can get a bit redundant to me.  I’m glad though that Anette and Tarja have gone out on their own.  They deserve to be happy.  Nemesea as well as Delain’s music has been helping my brain release huge doses of dopamine, which has helped me in my writing.

So there you have it!  Now you know what kind of music I currently like!  I do switch between pop/rock and metal from time to time, but metal feels more real to me.  Maybe take a chance to listen to some of these band a some point.  You never know, you just might become a fan as well!

Homophobia is Hate


My first experience of knowing about homophobia was during my high school years.  I went to a small private school with kids who had learning disabilities.  I could never understand why some people would single someone out because of their sexuality.  I knew of some classmates who had experimented or at least that’s what their behavior pointed to, but all it was was just experimenting.  I would hear the typical hate words being used, Fag, dyke, homo, gay….I could never understand it.  I was in my junior year when I heard about Matthew Shepard being beaten to death because he was gay.  I had mixed emotions; I was shocked, angry and sad.  I was also met with confusion because I had been brought up knowing that homosexuality was against God, yet I kept saying to myself, “But what those guys did was wrong, regardless of Matthew’s sexuality.”  I also remember in school, one teacher said that 10% of our school was homosexual.  When he said that in class, a bunch of guys started naming one person and said that person was the 10%.  My thought on it was so what if they are, that doesn’t give them room to call that person names and belittle them.

It seems as though if someone or something is different to the mainstream, the rule is you have to hate them, beat them up, put them down or cast them out.  Why do you think there are so many teen suicide going on in this day and age?  Because of that kind of behavior.  A female that knows she loves another female has to hide that because she is in fear of her life.  A male is just a little more feminine than “manly” and he gets picked on daily for it.  A man or a woman loves both genders and not just one and is called a sicko.  Instead of accepting them for who they are, there are those who judge and condemn them right on the spot.  Just because someone is different or not like you and your friends doesn’t give you the right to put them down or judge them.

I was brought up with some judgemental views on homosexuality. One was if I was ever came out as a lesbian, it would break my parents’ heart.   My mom told me if she ever found me with another woman in her house, she would kick me out, but would still love me.  Again, confusion came over me because that didn’t make sense. I was told it was wrong, would have to get professional help if I ever came out and that I was going against God.  When I was 19 and out of high school, I finally did come out to my Mom that I was a lesbian. I had not had any experience with another female though, just thoughts and feelings. As promised, she took me to a Christian counselor to get me “help”. The counselor said that homosexuality was not a mental illness, so I wasn’t crazy. She did however feel that I had some environmental factors that contributed to my feelings.  Never once did she seem to judge me or put me down.  She showed me compassion and gave me someone to confide in about my feelings. To me, that was and is the love of a true Christian.  She did help me gain self confidence and guided me through some rough spots.

The point I am trying to get across is that everyone needs and wants love and acceptance, not judgement, put downs or casted out because of their sexuality. Some people have thought they could make gays “straight.  Trying to “repair” someone’s sexual orientation does more damage than good.  You may not agree with what someone is doing, but learn to show compassion and love. It is not your place or mine to judge what others do, unless you feel they are harming themselves or would harm others. Some of you on here may say I am out of place for showing support for the LGBT community, but why should I deny my brothers and sisters the love they so badly crave. As a Christian, I am called to show the love and compassion of Christ to ALL, not some. Hate is not holy; hate is sin. Sin separates us from God and I don’t want to live like that.

I have had many tearful talks with God about my sexuality and at one point prayed for Him to take it off of me.  There were times I tried to kill myself because I thought I was not worthy of God’s love.  I asked Him if I had lost my place in his kingdom?  He told me I will still have my place in Heaven because of my relationship with Christ.  He will still use me to complete missions He has assigned me.  He has not cut off communication between us or told me that who I love is wrong.  Let me pose a question I have always asked: Can you accept someone for who they are without judgment or are you just going to walk away from them and consider them a “lost” corrupted soul?