Last year I attended a job preparedness class that was part of my vocational rehab plan. I got to be good friends with the instructor and we would have lengthy discussions about my life and job abilities. Close to the time my plan was about to end, people in the class had to pick a job they would like so they could do a mock interview. The instructor asked me what I was going to choose; I told him I would go back to managing medical records. At the end of class that day, he took me into his office and said, “Quit trying to sell yourself short! You don’t want to go back to medical records, I can see it in your eyes.” I would bring some of my writings to class for him to read; he told me he was impressed with them. Anyway, he asked me what I would love to have as a career for the rest of my life. I told him I wanted to write a lot of short stories and poems as well as lyrics. He looked me dead in the eye and said in a serious tone, “You are a damn good writer, you have a talent for it and that’s what you should do! I know that words don’t pay the bills, but I see your face light up every time you talk about what you are working on. Go start a blog, write a book….Just write!!” Well Michael, I have taken your advice and I am doing just that! Ha, here I am writing a blog! Writing and music are the biggest passions I have in my life, so I should go after my passions right?
In my last post I mentioned that I have been writing lyrics since I was 13. I had been writing short poems, but I wanted something different to do. The name of the first song I ever write was called “Time”. The door for writing didn’t blow open until I had tried to commit suicide in 1995. Trust me, it was one of the scariest things I went through when I had to spend 72 hours in a psych hospital. A month after that, my writing abilities surfaced. I was listening to a song that stirred up a lot of emotions in me. It was about someone who let fame get to their head, got attacked by a stalker and then realized they needed to be planted in new ground, without fame getting to them. The part about the stalker attacking the person really got to me. It made me so mad that I almost broke my hand punching my closet door. After I calmed down, I sat down and wrote lyrics as if I were talking to the stalker. My second song “You’re Screwed Up Mind” was born and followed by a few others during that time. My psychologist told me instead of punching doors and pillows to write my feelings down, so I did that, after punching a door.
In 2006, after I started going through my divorce, more inspiration for lyrics were born out of that pain; “Twisted Love”, “Shattered” and “Illness”. During that time frame as well, I wrote a pretty dark song named “Demons”. My Mom recently found a copy of those lyrics and asked why do I write about dark things. I told her that is all that is comes out, so it’s what I write. She asked me if I would ever write a song with softer lyrics; I told her I can’t guarantee anything. Recently I have been looking over old lyrics and am rewriting some them; making them into new songs. Two songs have already been “renewed” so far and a few more are about to go through what I call my “rip the format” process. I might even take a chance on writing some new lyrics with the song structures locked in my head. 🙂