I mentioned in my updated introduction that I have Schizotypal Personality disorder, along with Major Depression and A.D.D. If you have ever seen the movie ‘Taxi Driver’ with Robert De Niro from 1976, his character is a textbook example Schizotypal. I could sit here and describe it all, but I’m not writing a psychology blog. As long as I can remember, I always liked being alone and not around too many people. I was always creating plays and stuff in my head. No one has really been able to understand why I am the way I am. Basically no one knows how to take me. I knew I was different and didn’t understand it myself either. When I had my breakdown in 2011, it was then when I found out how I tick. Psychological testing couldn’t really nail down if I had Asperger’s or Schizotypal personality disorder. A counselor finally said that there is no way I could be an Aspie, since I can hold good conversations. When I described some of my behavior and thought patterns to her, she said I fit more into the Schizotypal realm. Having this along with Major Depression helps me come up with ideas for songs. I have a problem though, I hear the song playing in my head, but can’t seem to translate it onto guitar or keyboards. Thankfully I am friends with a couple of musicians who can get in my head to hear what I am hearing. For me, writing lyrics is like therapy. Whatever I’m feeling can be channeled into words and music as a release. Lately, I have been writing some pretty dark poems and lyrics that would probably freak out some people who know me. I believe that people who have mental illnesses are some of the most creative people out in the world. Some of them take their energy and use it towards creativity.
How many of us have heard a song from our past only to associate it with a painful memory? Have you ever tried to work past the pain to listen to it only to get pissed and turn it off? Do you ever cringe at the name of the artist or band that sings it when they are mentioned?
I can relate to my own questions asked. There are some artists and bands I can’t listen to anymore without associating them with painful memories. I used to be a big Evanescence fan until I had a falling out with an ex-girlfriend. I liked Ev before I even met her, but they were a common bond we had with each other. When she and I had our 2nd falling out, I was no longer interested in Ev. Their music just does not give me the high it once did. I can’t even bring myself to listen to them anymore without associating their music with her. It may sound strange, but it’s the truth. The same goes for P!nk and Katy Perry. When I was dating her, all we would listen to aside from Ev and t.A.T.u. were P!nk and Katy, mainly P!nk though. I really like their music, but again, I associate it with the ex. “The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry made me cry the first time I heard it; association with losing my ex the first time. “Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” is another one that I associate with the breakup as well. I can not bring myself to listen to them that much any more. Hell, I can’t even bring myself to listen to very current pop music!
The only bands and artists I seem to listen to are the ones I discovered post breakup. Delain, Nemesea, Dead By April, Leaves’ Eyes, Amaranthe, Nightwish, The Birthday Massacre, Sia, Armin Van Buuren, ReVamp and music from my youth are to name a few. It’s hard for me to listen to current pop music since my brain has been programmed to rock and techno over the past years. The auto-tune and overproduction of some of the songs in the Top 40 right now gets under my skin. Rock music to me just feels more raw and real and that’s a feeling I like; techno is a feel good music to me as well.
Will I ever listen to the songs and bands associated with my past? Only time will tell. Until then I will stick with music that releases high doses of dopamine in my brain.
I have been away dealing with personal things, I am back now. Now, on with my post!
How many of us remember No Doubt from back in the ’90s? They were tearing up the charts with singles from their album ‘Tragic Kingdom’. One of those singles, ‘Don’t Speak’ was very popular. The video depicted Gwen Stefani getting all the attention while the guys were completely push out of photo shoots and such. Without the musicians in the band, there wouldn’t be one.
I read a lot of old interviews from when some bands are just starting to break out into more of the spotlight. A few of them were from female fronted bands. Some of the ladies expressed how they are only one part of the group, not the whole band. I have noticed what they mean by that statement. The focus is on them and not everyone else. I’m a big fan of Delain; I like everyone in the band. Same goes for Nemesea, Amaranthe, Within Temptation, Leaves’ Eyes and even Ace of Base.
If you look through pictures of female fronted bands, it seems like there are more of the lead singers than of the band together. It’s great to have interviews with the lead singers, but it would be better to hear from all the members than just one.