Music, books, and personal thoughts on life

Songs Attached to a Painful Past

How many of us have heard a song from our past only to associate it with a painful memory?  Have you ever tried to work past the pain to listen to it only to get pissed and turn it off?  Do you ever cringe at the name of the artist or band that sings it when they are mentioned?

I can relate to my own questions asked.  There are some artists and bands I can’t listen to anymore without associating them with painful memories.  I used to be a big Evanescence fan until I had a falling out with an ex-girlfriend.  I liked Ev before I even met her, but they were a common bond we had with each other.  When she and I had our 2nd falling out, I was no longer interested in Ev.  Their music just does not give me the high it once did.  I can’t even bring myself to listen to them anymore without associating their music with her.  It may sound strange, but it’s the truth.  The same goes for P!nk and Katy Perry.  When I was dating her, all we would listen to aside from Ev and t.A.T.u. were P!nk and Katy, mainly P!nk though.  I really like their music, but again, I associate it with the ex.  “The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry made me cry the first time I heard it; association with losing my ex the first time.  “Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” is another one that I associate with the breakup as well.  I can not bring myself to listen to them that much any more.  Hell, I can’t even bring myself to listen to very current pop music!

The only bands and artists I seem to listen to are the ones I discovered post breakup.  Delain, Nemesea, Dead By April, Leaves’ Eyes, Amaranthe, Nightwish, The Birthday Massacre, Sia, Armin Van Buuren, ReVamp and music from my youth are to name a few.  It’s hard for me to listen to current pop music since my brain has been programmed to rock and techno over the past years.  The auto-tune and overproduction of some of the songs in the Top 40 right now gets under my skin.  Rock music to me just feels more raw and real and that’s a feeling I like; techno is a feel good music to me as well.

Will I ever listen to the songs and bands associated with my past?  Only time will tell.  Until then I will stick with music that releases high doses of dopamine in my brain.

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