Music, books, and personal thoughts on life

Alex and Piper: A Reflection of My Former Toxic Relationship

piper and alex

Last weekend I finally got to sit down and watch ‘Orange Is The New Black’.  One of the best shows I have watched so far!  I got sucked into the toxic relationship between Alex and Piper.  I could relate to what they were going through because I have gone through a relationship similar to theirs.  Their love/hate relationship reminded me of the roller coaster I was on for four years with my ex-girlfriend.  I fell hard for her after being around her for a few months after we met in person.  I gave up alot to be with her and make her happy.  The downside was we tore each other apart when one of us got mad at the other.  Having a long distance relationship was hard enough, but when I heard her tell me so many times how she hated me, I began to think I was a bad person.  There was too much jealousy, insecurity, lack of trust, and fleeting thoughts of cheating.  Yes, I promised her the moon and stars, and that I would fight for us.  Yet I was being drained emotionally and just a shell of myself because of all the drama.  My family urged me to break up with her because of my emotional state.  It was one of the hardest things to do, but it was for the best.  We tried to remain friends, but it didn’t go over too well.  When she told me a few months after we broke up that she was in a relationship with a guy, I could feel my heart shatter.  I still had strong feelings for her and it was hard to hear her talk about this new relationship.  I constantly let her know how much it hurt me to know she moved on so quickly.

A couple of years ago, we tried to rekindle our relationship, but it was different this time.  We had both changed over the time we had been apart.  I was no longer the girl who was pissed off at the world and listening to the same bands she did.  She was no longer the  girl who was in need of emotional attention.  Our relationship and friendship ended on bad terms, but I’m better off without her.

She has probably painted a bad picture of me to others, but I’m not a bad person.  I am human and make mistakes, but I’m not some cold heart bitch.  There were many times I would watch over her when she had too much to drink.  I made sure she was okay and didn’t want anything bad to happen to her.  One night she had too much to drink and passed out close to the pool in her backyard.  I ran over to her and tried to move her away from the edge.  If I was such a horrible person, don’t think I would have done that.

I’m going to end with a couple of quotes Alex told Piper.  It sums up how I feel at this point in my life.

“….and, yeah, maybe I never forgave you for leaving…because you broke my fucking heart.” -Alex

“Fuck you. Listen, you have made a decision. So here is what it means going forward. You may not come running to me again. Not with your problems, not with your love, not with your needs, or sadness, or anger or even your laundry when it’s not specifically your laundry day. You may never come to me again. Ever.”

Alex Vause (Orange is the New Black)

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