Music, books, and personal thoughts on life

Blue Is The Warmest Color: A more in depth look through my eyes


Last week I wrote an entry about Blue Is The Warmest Color and what I thought about it.  I have had more time to let everything about the movie sink in.  The more I thought about things, the more emotional I got.  I keep going back to the second part of the film and mulling over it.  Yes, the beginning was good and showed the development of Emma and Adele’s relationship.  The second part though is where the emotional parts for me kicked in.  It was obvious that Adele was uncomfortable around Emma’s friends.  She felt like she couldn’t relate to any of them.  I think we have come across some people or groups in our lives that have made us feel inferior to them.  Not that they are rude or mean people, but because in our minds we think we’re inferior to them.  I think that’s how Adele probably felt.

The scene when they are in bed, Emma mentioned to Adele that she should do more writing and Adele took offence to it.  Emma wanted to see her break out of her comfort zone and do something that would make her feel fulfilled.  She knew that Adele was a good writer and was trying to encourage her to be more creative, and to show the world what she could do.  She saw something special in Adele that Adele herself she couldn’t see.  She told Emma she was fulfilled just being with her.  She made Emma her whole world and wasn’t about to disrupt that, but then she made her choice to stray.

One of the most emotional scenes for me was when Emma threw Adele out of her house.  She strolled in the door like everything is fine and shows a little affection towards Emma.  However, it was obvious that Emma knew about the affair she was having with her colleague from work.  You see the hurt and anger in Emma’s eyes before she flew into a rage about it.  I could relate to this because I had the same thing happen to me.  My ex-girlfriend was going behind my back and seeing other people.  I could sense it was going on but knew if I asked her she would deny it.  Many times I flew into a rage within myself because the thought of her doing that killed me on the inside.  Like Emma, I was the older one in the relationship and I put up with a lot of crap the four years we were together. When you take someone under your wing and care a lot about them, only to be betrayed, it’s a slap in the face.  You feel like someone has stripped you down to nothing and every emotion in your body is exposed.  Emma loved Adele without a shadow of a doubt, but her love turned cold after she confronted her about the infidelity.

I don’t want to give away anymore to those who have not seen it just yet.

BITWC opened up some old wounds for me, but I have been processing the pain I experienced when I got them.  I had taken that pain and stuffed it inside, hoping not to deal with it ever again.  Over the past three years I have been learning healthier ways to deal with painful memories.  I remind myself everyday I’m alive and I didn’t die after going through the harsh breakup with my ex-girlfriend 3 years ago.  I went through periods of crying and felt my heart break, but I had to let go of her.  I know that I am better off without her now because our relationship was volatile and toxic.  I have moved on with my life.  Yes, my world used to revolve around my ex, but I became emotionally drained.  I don’t miss the feeling of being built up and torn down every two weeks.  Did I love my ex?  I did at one point, but I don’t now.  I do hope she is doing well, but I don’t want to lay eyes on her again.  I’m still working on trying to forgive her for the role she played in things during that point in my life.
The movie has helped me deal with the ghosts of my past and ripped me open emotionally.  When I saw the connection Adele and Emma still had with each other post breakup, I got tears in my eyes.  The attraction was so strong, but so were the walls that were between them.  I’m sure more emotions will follow in the weeks to come, but there is nothing wrong with feeling emotions, which I lack at times.


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