Music, books, and personal thoughts on life

Blue Has Become The Warmest Color…

Last night I read the graphic novel that inspired the movie for BITWC, and I couldn’t stop crying.  To see a love so strong between two people is a powerful thing.  The passion of Emma and Clementine’s relationship was so raw and real.  They were meant to be together, but Clementine’s shame about her sexuality caused a rift between them.  When Emma threw Clementine out and she turned to pills to numb her pain, it reminded me of how I turned to alcohol to numb my pain.  When someone rejects you, it causes a pain so deep inside that you do what you can to deaden it.  Your heart feels all fucked up and sometimes you can’t even breathe from the anxiety that rolls through your mind.  You constantly ask yourself what you could have done differently.  You wish you could go back in time and make things right.  What if doing something different or making things right didn’t change things though?  Would you have regrets?  Maybe what happened was because of the choice you made.  We don’t get do overs in life.  It would have been nice to see Emma and Clementine get back together, but it was too late.  In life we never realize how good we have something until it’s gone.  I thought my relationship with my ex-girlfriend was great, until things started to fall apart.  I thought I had lost a good thing, but four years later, I see it was one of the best things to lose.  Emma and Clementine were together for 13 years.  The shame Clem harbored inside about her sexuality and her choice to stray severed their relationship.  After losing Emma, she felt like there was no reason to live anymore.  Someone might say that she was too emotionally dependent on Emma.  I see it as a heart breaking because of one wrong choice to stray into someone else’s arms.  When you lose a love like Emma and Clementine’s love for each other, you slowly start to die on the inside.  Depression consumes every part of your body and you feel like you’re drowning.  I will end with what Clementine wrote to Emma:

“Emma, you asked me if I believed in eternal love.  Love is something way too abstract and indefinable.  It depends on what we perceive and what we experienced.  If we don’t exist, it doesn’t exist.  And we change so much; love must change as well.  Love catches fire, it trespasses, it breaks, we break, it comes back to life…we come back to life.  Love  may not be eternal, but it can make us eternal.  Beyond death, the love that we shared continues to live.”

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